


Changing Fate

by robinasnyder



Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M, Sith!Obi-Wan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 12:04:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11335293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robinasnyder/pseuds/robinasnyder
Summary: Obi-Wan is the worst Sith in history, only kept alive because of his close relationship with Darth Maul. He begins getting visions from a young age where he became a strong, upstanding Jedi, everything he ever wanted. So when he comes face to face again with the Master who rejected him and sent him off to the nightmare he's been trapped in, Obi-Wan is willing to take a chance. After all, even if he died, his life couldn't get any worse.





	1. Chapter 1

Obi-Wan hated his eyes when he looked in the mirror. Once he’d had a beautiful blue eyes. Now they were gold. They’d been gold for a while. But in his visions they were blue. He hated his visions. He hated his Masters. He hated himself. 

It was one thing to know that you’d been meant for something more. It was different to see it whenever you closed your eyes. The visions were overwhelming. He’d always believed he should have been a Jedi. But not he really knew. The youngest Master in centuries. A powerful Jedi. 

But he was a Sith. And Sith weren’t supposed to dream about being Jedi. But nothing his Masters ever did beat out of him that he shouldn’t be a Jedi. 

He knew war was going to be hell. He’d walked onto battle fields before, dragged along behind Master Tyrranus, or even side by side with Maul. Maul just told him to just shut up and deal with it. But then, what did Maul really know? 

A lot, actually. But he didn’t know about this. As much as Maul had suffered training with Master Sidious, he was still the chosen favored. He was truly the Master’s apprentice. The rest of them, even Master Tyrranus, were all second compared to Maul. And Maul was always second to Master Sidious. 

They were early, early in the wars when Obi-Wan got to see Qui-Gon Jinn again. Obi-Wan hadn’t seen him since he’d been turned away from the temple. Years passed and then he saw him across a battle field. Obi-Wan had hidden himself, not able to face the man. 

He’d been with Maul on that mission. Maul kept it to himself. Obi-Wan loved Maul for that. His loyalty was touching sometimes. As was his protectiveness. Obi-Wan was HIS friend and if Maul thought Obi-Wan’s weakness was allowed, then Maul wouldn’t let anyone else find out.

That had been almost a year ago, and Obi-Wan wished that Maul was there this time. This time there wouldn’t be any hiding. He was trapped in this Sith forsaken temple and Master Qui-Gon Jinn was trapped too. The man hadn’t found him yet, but he would soon. 

Obi-Wan rubbed his hands over his face, scrubbing them against his beard. He was in his dark clothes, favoring purples and blacks because that was what Master Tyrannus had always favored. In his heart, Obi-Wan knew he wanted lighter colors, browns and tans. But like his eyes, it wasn’t to be. 

He pressed against the cold stone wall of the temple. He could feel Master Jinn approaching, but Obi-Wan was certain he was hidden in a pocket of dark. He would be okay. Master Jinn stood out. Obi-Wan didn’t, not in this setting. He held his breath as Master Jinn passed. He didn’t let it out until he felt the man pass farther down the path. Then Obi-Wan moved out of the darkness. He was okay for now. 

There was a bolt of distress in the Force, one which Obi-Wan practically felt down his spine. The temple was full of traps. Obi-Wan had to be very careful not to trip them and the temple accepted him as part of itself. But Master Jinn stood out too much. 

Obi-Wan took off down the path as quickly as he could, keeping his steps light to not set off any of the other traps. He couldn’t help anyone if he was caught. He followed the feeling of blinding pain. It wasn’t hard to find Master Jinn.

The trap had dropped the floor. Master Jinn was in what was essentially a Sith training room. Obi-Wan found his way to the observation deck first. The training room was ancient, so there were actual slugs rather than just blaster bolts. And the old machinery had lasers and even some discarded Sith lightsabers. That was where the pain came from. Master Jinn had been slashed across the back. The pain had to be overwhelming, but still the man was still fighting. Lightsabers couldn’t deflect slugs. Instead it disintegrated them, which covered Master Jinn is what Obi-Wan imagined was a toxic black powder. And he couldn’t move as fast because of pain. 

Obi-Wan slammed his hand on the control panel. Sith machinery often worked on will alone. Obi-Wan threw up the darkness and anger and pain he had in him. The Machinery resisted. Obi-Wan pushed more. He was the Sith, the man, not the machine and his will would be followed. 

The training room shut off, and Obi-Wan overrode the controls so it would turn off the trap all together. Then headed down the stairs to Master Jinn. When he got into the training room, Master Jinn had collapsed to his knees and was breathing hard. Obi-Wan only got a few steps before Master Jinn realized he was there. 

Master Jinn flipped his lightsaber on. He bared his teeth, a certain wildness in his eyes. Obi-Wan didn’t blame him. Master Jinn had probably been being dragged deeper and deeper into the temple for days before Obi-Wan showed up. Obi-Wan remembered when he’d been taken to the first Sith Temple. He’d still been a child then, and desperate to try and hold onto his light. He hadn’t been able to, and it had ripped him up in ways Obi-Wan had never healed from. 

“I won’t hurt you,” Obi-Wan said quietly. 

“So, you’re here to help me,” Master Jinn said in full disbelief. 

“That powder is bad for your lungs, and that wound needs to be healed soon,” Obi-Wan said. 

Master Jinn snorted. “Let me guess: you’ll help me if I do what you say.” 

“No,” Obi-Wan said. “I’m as trapped in here as you are. Between the two of us, we have a better chance of making it out alive. Will you let me help?” 

Master Jinn hesitated for a moment longer before he turned off his lightsaber. Obi-Wan cross the distance between them. He knelt down next to him and pulled the pouch from his belt. He didn’t have a lot of supplies with him, but he knew to bring a few things wherever he went. He had two water packs, two ration bars, a clean cloth, a little bit of gauze and an antiseptic spray. Besides that it was a bit of extra coin and a fake ID. Those last two things wouldn’t help them any. 

He took behind examining his supplies, then he looked at Master Jinn, who looked so damn tired and very pale. 

“How many days have you been here?” Obi-Wan asked. 

“I’m not certain,” Qui-Gon said. “A few, I think. But this place-”

“Has a sense of timelessness. A lot of Sith temples do. You feel like maybe you could have been locked up for a millennia, or maybe an hour. You’re never certain.” 

“I’m certain it’s been more than an hour,” Master Jinn said with a weak smile. 

Obi-Wan smiled back. He’d start with the powder. The Force could be used to move many objects, both big and small. It was more difficult to move the small, but not impossible, especially not after the three years of isolation Obi-Wan spent at a Sith Temple. 

He made a brushing motion, but the Force was what brushed the black dust off Master Jinn’s person. Master Jinn closed his eyes and Obi-Wan got it off his face and off his clothes and moved it all to the far side of the room. Getting out of his hair was more difficult. Obi-Wan actually had to put his hands in Master Jinn’s hair, which Obi-Wan felt bad about because Master Jinn was so tense. But Obi-Wan knew the dust was toxic and it needed to be off Master Jinn before he could do anything else. 

“I need you to take your shirt off,” Obi-Wan said. 

Master Jinn didn’t argue, but it took both of the and eventually Obi-Wan just cutting the cloth with the Force before they could get him undressed. Master Jinn was slashed across the back, and Obi-Wan was certain Master Jinn had to be channeling the Force into the wound to be able to stay upright. 

Obi-Wan pulled out the antiseptic spray. “This will hurt,” he said. 

“Do it,” Master Jinn said through gritted teeth. Obi-Wan sprayed right down the wound. Master Jinn’s shoulders tensed and he let out a wounded sound, but he stayed still. 

While the spray dried, Obi-Wan laid his hands on Master Jinn’s shoulders and began looking inwards. There was minor lung damage from the toxic dust, and then the wound. Healable, with Obi-Wan’s skills. 

“I’m going to heal you,” Obi-Wan said. “But it won’t be exactly pleasant for either of us. And I’m going to need you to take care of me afterward.” 

“Why?” Master Jinn asked. 

Obi-Wan completely ignored the question. “Make sure to eat one of the bars and drink one of the water packs.” 

He gave Master Jinn’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze. Then he started to work. It took maybe five minutes, but Obi-Wan felt like his insides underwent at least a year’s worth of fire and burning. It was only through his will that he finished. Then he lost consciousness.

* * *

He woke up slowly, his head pillowew on something soft, but not very thick, and laying on the hard ground. Though not cold ground. He realized someone had spread out his cloak and laid him on it. He turned his head into the soft something. The scent was familiar and comforting and for a half second Obi-Wan thought he was 12 again. And then he though it must be one of the visions he had where he’d been Master Jinn’s apprentice. 

And then he realized it was real.

His eyes snapped open and he slowly sat up. He let out a pained groan. His body hurt all over. It would pass, he knew, but he hated the feeling. Maul always chewed him out for doing that. Obi-Wan didn’t do it much, but sometimes that kind of healing was necessary. 

“Good morning to you, Master Sith,” Master Jinn said. He was seated on the cloak as well, and he was still shirtless. Obi-Wan started fumbling with his tunic. He pulled it off over his head and offered it to Master Jinn, who accepted it with a quiet thank you and slipped it on. The shirt had been a little big on Obi-Wan, but it fit Master Jinn’s larger torso.

“Good morning,” Obi-Wan mumbled. 

“I want to know what you did to me,” Master Jinn said, there was a hardness in his eyes. 

“I healed you,” Obi-Wan said. 

“Sith healing requires sacrifices,” Master Jinn said. Obi-Wan was almost surprised he knew that much. But then, he also wasn’t. Master Jinn had been Master Tyrannus’s apprentice back when Master Tyrannus was still a Jedi. 

“It does.” Obi-Wan spoke with caution in his voice.

“What living thing did you sacrifice to be able do that?” Master Jinn asked, tightness and a hint of anger in his voice.

Obi-Wan had one wild moment where he considered saying he’d killed some defenseless creature. But Obi-Wan knew that would make things worse. His visions told him Master Jinn loved helpless things. He would be angry if Obi-Wan said that. And he’d be more furious when he found out it was a lie.

“How old would you guess I am?” Obi-Wan asked. 

Master Jinn considered him for a moment, cocking his head a little. “40 something.” 

“I’m 36,” Obi-Wan said. “Sith healing requires sacrifice… a few of my years don’t really matter, I think, in the grand scheme of things.” 

“You… you sacrificed your own life to heal me?” Master Jinn asked. 

“It was only a year,” Obi-Wan said, shrugging, He winced, wishing immediately that he hadn’t. 

“Only a year, he says,” Master Jinn said. “That is without a doubt the stupidest and least Sith like thing I have ever heard of.” 

Obi-Wan found himself laughing, and then laughing harder at Master Jinn’s sour expression. 

“What?” Master Jinn demanded. 

“Nothing. It’s just, Maul said the same thing when I healed him. And I had to give him three,” Obi-Wan said. He wiped at his eyes. “Did you eat?”

“Yes,” Master Jinn said. “There’s a ration bar and a water pack left. You should eat.” 

“Thank you,” Obi-Wan said. 

They slipped into silence. Obi-Wan was fine with that. He ate the entire ration bar and drank the entire water pack. His pain faded slowly. His body hated the rapid aging process. 

“You do look a little older,” Master Jinn said. 

“I know,” Obi-Wan said. 

“You said 36?” Master Jinn asked. 

“Yes,” Obi-Wan said. 

“I… you seem very familiar.” Master Jinn was looking at him very closely now. Obi-Wan averted his gaze. 

“I was a Jedi initiate once,” Obi-Wan said. 

“What happened?” Master Jinn asked. 

“I was told I was too angry and sent to the Agricorps,” Obi-Wan said. He wouldn’t meet Master Jinn’s eyes. “And then pirates… Master Tyrannus picked me up within a few months… He thought I had potential.” He couldn’t help the bitterness in his tone. 

“I… Initiate Kenobi?” Master Jinn breathed.

Obi-Wan winced. He forced himself to look up and meet Master Jinn’s horrified gaze. He put on a self-deprecating smile and forced a casual tone. 

“It seems you were right about me, Master. I wouldn’t have made a good Jedi.”

“Force,” Master Jinn breathed out. He scrubbed his hands over his face. 

This was why Obi-Wan hadn’t wanted to see the man. He couldn’t be farther from what he was supposed to be. In his visions he was a shining example of what a Jedi ought to be. In reality he was the worst Sith in history, kept alive because the greatest Apprentice Master Sidious ever had saw Obi-Wan as a friend.

“I shouldn’t have sent you away,” Master Jinn said. 

“I think we can both see I’m not suited to being a-” his breath caught for a moment. Obi-Wan swallowed thickly. “A Jedi.” 

“You saved me,” Master Jinn said. 

“I used Sith magicks,” Obi-Wan pointed out dryly. 

“You gave up part of yourself to save a Jedi, rather than kill or harm something else,” Master Jinn said. “Do you hate me for what happened?” 

“Why would I?” Obi-Wan asked, laughing at the sudden question. “I… it wasn’t meant to be. I was wrong. I’m still wrong.” He muttered that last part to himself. 

“Still?” 

Obi-Wan winced again. He hadn’t realized he’d said that last part out loud. He laid himself back on the cloak and let out a heavy sigh. 

“I have very, very strong visions. I… it’s like living two lives. One is reality and one is… everything I ever wanted,” Obi-Wan said. “I think the Force is punishing me for breaking all those years ago.”

“What are your visions?” Master Jinn asked.

Obi-Wan felt the bitter smile settle on his mouth. “That you changed your mind and picked me… and I became a great Jedi. One any Master could be proud of. That I became a council member and one of the greatest Generals the GAR had… that… that I was a good man.” 

It suddenly felt hard to breathe. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I should have just died in that temple. I should have just stop living. Then I wouldn’t be like this.” 

A warm, gentle hand laid on his forehead. The swirl of pain stopped and for a moment Obi-Wan stilled. He didn’t lower his hands or open his eyes. In fact, his eyes felt very damp suddenly. 

“How long have you been a slave to the Sith?” Master Jinn asked quietly.

“Since I was 13,” Obi-Wan whispered. His voice still carried, though. There was nothing else to break up the oppressive silence of the training room.

“So, most of your life, then,” Master Jinn said. 

“Yes,” Obi-Wan said. He slowly lowered his hands. “If- No, when I get you out of here, will you promise me something?” 

“What is it?” Master Jinn asked. 

“I’ll give you all the information I have. I’ll give you all of it. But please, don’t send me back there. Even if you have to kill me to keep it from happening. Please.” 

Master Jinn was still for a moment. “You have a death wish, then?” 

“I know I’m too cowardly to do it myself,” Obi-Wan said. “I just can’t do this anymore. So please, I’ll be your prisoner. I’ll do whatever you say. But I can’t go back to them. I can’t do it anymore.” 

Obi-Wan watched Master Jinn’s face, and all the emotions that played across it. He thought that Master Jinn would call him a fool, or possibly spit in his face. Instead, Master Jinn gave him a very sad smile. 

“I promise, Obi-Wan,” he said. 

Obi-Wan bit his bottom lip and looked away. It hurt deep in his chest, but finally he might be free of all of this. He knew he should apologize for passing the burden on to Master Jinn. But he was too relieved to try and take it back.

* * *

They rested for a few more hours before they got up and tried to find their way out. Obi-Wan wrapped his cloak around Master Jinn, since the tunic didn’t have sleeves. Master Jinn frowned, but didn’t argue about Obi-Wan’s mothering, and Obi-Wan was glad. Kindness was a weakness Obi-Wan indulged in whenever he could, but he was too trained to fear punishment if he was caught. If Master Jinn argued, Obi-Wan didn’t know what he would have done. 

Escape, it turned out, wasn’t that hard. The Temple was on high alert because of Master Jinn. When Obi-Wan realized it, all he had to do was modify a force suppression collar to have a quick release lock so Master Jinn could get it off on his own. Then they were practically able to waltz right out of the Temple. 

Master Jinn kept the collar on until they got in his ship and off the planet. Then the collar came off and was tossed full force against a wall. Obi-Wan had been dozing in the co-pilot’s seat. He offered Master Jinn a sleepy smile. 

“Yeah, I hate those things too,” Obi-Wan said. 

“You’ve worn one before?” Master Jinn asked. 

“Yeah. Punishments. Really effective with the visions I have. Even wearing it for a week when the collar suddenly came off I’d get multiple visions at once. I’ve… Master Sidious found it useful, because when I was in that state they could tell me to do anything and I’d do it. They only stopped when Maul claimed me.” 

“Darth Maul?” Master Jinn asked. “What do you mean claim?” 

“Technically, I suppose I’m considered Maul’s um… catamite, I guess. We’re not like that, actually. He’s my friend, though. And he’s protective. At least they don’t put those collars on me anymore.” Obi-Wan rubbed his neck absentmindedly. 

“I see,” Master Jinn said. But he didn’t really sound like he did see. 

“He was taken by Master Sidious when he was a young boy. We’re not really too different in age. So we kind of leaned on each other,” Obi-Wan said. “I know what he’s like, but he can be very kind sometimes.” 

“He tried to kill me,” Master Jinn said. “He nearly succeeded.” 

“And you nearly killed him,” Obi-Wan said. 

“Was that what the three years was about?” Master Jinn asked. 

Obi-Wan felt his ears heat up. Of course Master Jinn would remember that. He coughed and looked away for a moment. But then he looked back Master Jinn was merely giving him an expectant look, quietly waiting for Obi-Wan’s answer. Obi-Wan let out a heavy sigh.

“Yes,” Obi-Wan said. 

“He fell down a very, very long drop to what I was told an incinerator,” Master Jinn said. 

“I… my visions are really accurate,” Obi-Wan said. 

“You saw me strike him down?”

“No. I saw him kill you. And then I saw me slicing him in half and cradling you while he died,” Obi-Wan said. He could see the shock in Master Jinn’s eyes. 

“Hmm, well, I suppose that helped you get past whatever ill you felt toward me,” Master Jinn said with a touch of humor in his voice. 

“No.” Obi-Wan’s voice was little more than a whisper. Master Jinn became very serious. 

“It bothered you?” Master Jinn asked. 

“Very accurate and vivid visions, Master Jinn. You were my teacher and someone I treasured. It’s the one good thing that came from my capture. You survived,” Obi-Wan said. “I think it’s probably better this way.” 

Master Jinn turned away, murmuring curses under his breath. Obi-Wan politely pretended not to hear. 

“So,” Master Jinn began after a moment. He was changing the subject. “This doesn’t explain how you knew where Maul was.” 

“In my vision I saw Maul alive. He didn’t die even when I cut him in half. But he went mad from it all. And it was many years before someone found him. Even Master Sidious though he was dead. He suffered much. I couldn’t do that to him. I didn’t want to see him become the desperate creature I saw in my visions. Even when he got his sanity back he was never the same… I care for him deeply. No, I love Maul. He’s my friend. I couldn’t let that happen to him,” Obi-Wan said. 

“So what? You were there waiting?” Master Jinn asked. 

“No, it was in the vision slew. They had me in the collar for a month. I saw so much of him. I saw myself nearly killing him so many times. And I watched him lose everything tracking me down because he needed revenge more than anything… so I made a plan and I slipped away from Master Tyrannus and I stole one of his ships. It wasn’t hard to find him because I had a good idea of where he would be.” 

“So you found him. Was that the first time you’d used that type of healing?” Master Jinn sounded so serious, Obi-Wan wondered if Master Jinn was angry at him for saving Maul. But really, it would have been so much worse if he hadn’t. 

“No,” Obi-Wan said, speaking clearly. “But it was the largest I’d ever tried. Master Tyrannus made me hurt creatures and then use the life of others to heal them. After the second time… well, I would only nearly kill them. Then I would give them my own life to heal them and secretly let them go. I was supposed to dispose of the bodies anyway, so what did it matter. And I mastered the technique faster than any of them. Not even Master Sidious is as good at this type of healing as I am.” Obi-Wan was proud of it. He understood how it worked because of using it on himself. He knew intimately how it burned and ripped and how the Force moved from one living creature to another.

“Would you like to learn how Jedi heal?” 

The question made Obi-Wan’s heart stop. He knew the painful hope that must be on his face. Stupidly he still wanted to be a Jedi. 

“I’m afraid that time is long past, Master Jinn,” Obi-Wan said. “I’m a Sith.” 

“I bet it’s not,” Master Jinn said. “After you’ve saved me and after everything you’re offering to give up, I can’t imagine it would be too against our teachings to show you how to heal without having to give up your own life for others.” 

“I… to use the Light side I’d have to be centered,” Obi-Wan said. 

“That’s what meditation is for,” Master Jinn said. “And that, at least, I can help you with before we get to Coruscant.” 

Obi-Wan knew how wary he must look. His greatest wish had been to be taught by this man. Even after he’d fallen, sometimes he would dream that Master Jinn would find him and see potentials and bring him home to the Temple, rather than kill him because he was fallen and Sith. And then the visions started coming and Obi-Wan had wished with all his heart that he could have had that other life he saw in his visions. 

He should turn Master Jinn down. He knew the other man still wasn’t over the effects of the temple. He hadn’t had time to meditate or center himself. Obi-Wan might keep him from the light. But Obi-Wan wanted to be selfish. He wanted to learn this. He wanted to be able to heal Maul without killing himself a little. He wanted to be able to pretend even for a little while that he really was supposed to be a Jedi. 

“I would like that very much, Master Jinn,” Obi-Wan said. 

“The autopilot is on,” Master Jinn said. “Why don’t we begin now?” 

“Can we?” The longing in his voice was pathetic, but Master Jinn just offered him a kind smile. 

“Yes, we can. Come, up.” 

Obi-Wan stood and followed Master Jinn back to the sleeping quarters. He blinked in confusion when he saw not bunks but one large bed. Instead of durasteel floors there was soft carpet, which muffled the sounds of his boots when he stepped inside. And it was nicely decorated too, like a civilian room, not like a military cruiser. 

“A bit silly, isn’t it?” Master Jinn asked. Obi-Wan whipped around to look at him.

“It’s… something,” Obi-Wan said. “Why?” 

“Undercover transport,” Master Jinn said. “Most of which had been converted for military reasons. I believe this was what they used when they needed to have a couple of honeymooners.” 

“So, this is the bed,” Obi-Wan said. He wondered if any of the other rooms were carpeted. He could probably curl up there. 

“I imagine we’ll sleep in shifts anyway,” Master Jinn said. “And I’m not particularly worried about my virtue.” 

Obi-Wan stared at him for a moment. Master Jinn was smirking. Obi-Wan felt his face heat up. 

“You’re a very bad man,” Obi-Wan said. Master Jinn laughed, which was a surprising and wonderful sound that made Obi-Wan’s heart clench. 

Obi-Wan lowered himself onto the floor and pulled off his boots and then assumed a kneeling position. He turned and looked up at Master Jinn, who just looked so much taller since he was still standing. Something ugly whispered in Obi-Wan’s mind that this was his place, that kneeling at the feet of others and belonging to another was all he was good for.

A small, soothing voice whispered back that his thought was right. Jedi lived their lives in service of others, on their knees in meditation and humility. It was not painful for them, not the way Obi-Wan had lived with Master Tyrannus. So yes, that was the life he was good for and deserved. 

“You’ve relaxed,” Master Jinn noted. He had removed his boots while Obi-Wan was thinking and lowered himself to the ground to kneel as well.

“I had a good thought,” Obi-Wan said. 

“Do you mind sharing?” Master Jinn asked, laying his hands on his knees.

“It’s the perspective that matters,” Obi-Wan said. 

“I don’t disagree, but you’re going to need to elaborate.” 

Obi-Wan smiled at Master Jinn. “Master Tyrannus and Master Sidious have told me that my weakness means that I am only fit to live on my knees and in service of others more powerful. But when I was a boy in the Crèche, I was taught that I was supposed to live my life on my knees and in service of others. But it’s the perspective. Kneeling is centering to self, not just for humiliation. It is for humility. My service should be for those weaker, not directed by those who was stronger. It never occurred to me until now how similar the philosophy was. But the interpretation is so different and therefore the actions are different.” 

“This is a wise thing to realize,” Master Jinn said. “It’s harder to lose yourself to darkness if you can define your own principals to yourself.” 

“Well, it’s a little late for that,” Obi-Wan said, putting on a wry smile. 

“You were still a boy when you last meditated?”

“Yes. I tried, but they kept me so busy and sleep deprived that whenever I tried, I would fall asleep,” Obi-Wan explained. “Especially in the beginning.”

Something passed over Master Jinn’s face. Obi-Wan couldn’t identify it, but he decided not to worry about it. Master Jinn wasn’t angry at him, so it would likely not result in a punishment or pain. 

“I’ll walk you through your breathing, and we’ll go from there,” Master Jinn said. 

Obi-Wan closed his eyes and allowed himself to be guided. The breathing came back in a rush. It felt so easy that Obi-Wan was surprised he hadn’t always had that information at his fingertips, that he had ever struggled to remember. Master Jinn talked him through the relaxation. It was like he was a child in the Crèche again. Master Jinn’s voice was soothing and Obi-Wan slipped right in and under. 

He had so much pain and sadness and hatred that lived and breathed in his body. He couldn’t work through it all in one session. But he quieted his mind. He picked one instance to focus on, when Maul nearly died. He allowed himself to feel his fear. He feared losing his friend. He feared being alone and under his Masters’ wrath without help. He feared that his visions had been wrong, or too much was different. He feared punishment. He feared that he couldn’t help Maul. He feared what he would give up. 

He let himself feel all that fear, and each particular facet. Then he let it go. He brought up his sadness. There was loss there. He hurt for Maul. He hadn’t allowed himself to mourn the loss of his own life. That was an overwhelming thing to feel. He couldn’t deal with it all. But he allowed himself to feel some of the mourning and then set it aside. 

Then there was anger. There was so much anger at Maul for getting hurt, at Master Jinn for hurting him, at Master Tyrannus and Master Sidious for their expectations and for the plan that had failed so badly. And then came the anger at himself. He gave up so much for Maul and because he was afraid of being alone. It was stupid and selfish. If Obi-Wan hadn’t, maybe he could have proven himself as a worthy apprentice. 

But he didn’t regret it. He would lay down his entire life for Maul in a heartbeat, not just a portion of it. Maul deserved to have someone love him. Maul said more than once that Obi-Wan was his light. He was proud of that. He was proud of himself for saving Maul. He was proud that he’d brought his friend back when no one believed he was alive. 

And Maul had taken him as his catamite soon afterwards, which protected Obi-Wan from the worst of himself. Obi-Wan had regrets, but he wouldn’t change what he did for anything. 

Obi-Wan let it go. It was resolved. It was okay. 

“Obi-Wan?” Master Jinn asked. 

“Yes, Master?” Obi-Wan asked. He hadn’t opened his eyes yet. He felt just a little floaty, just a little lighter. 

“It’s time to come back up,” Master Jinn said. 

“I am,” Obi-Wan insisted. 

“Then open your eyes, Initiate Kenobi.” Master Jinn was teasing him and sounded so amused. Obi-Wan could die happy. 

“You’re a smartass when you want to be,” Obi-Wan said, opening his eyes. Master Jinn looked more at peace than he had when they first settled to meditate. “You got to meditate as well?” A touch of anxiety colored his words. 

“You are not difficult to guide,” Master Jinn said. “And I am old enough to know how to make the most of the time I have.” 

“I would not want to cause you harm,” Obi-Wan said, shifting off his knees to sit instead. 

Master Jinn snorted. “I believe you giving up a year of your life for me is good indication that you want to take care of me.” 

“Um, yes,” Obi-Wan mumbled. He scratched the back of his neck. 

“I think it’s time you tried to rest,” Master Jinn said. He pushed himself up and stretched. “I’ll give you a ration bar and water pack. Use the bed. Sleep.” 

“Yes, Master,” Obi-Wan said. He pushed himself up and got on the bed. He watched Master Jinn walk out. The he stretched out on the bed and closed his eyes.

* * *

He woke up to the ship rocking in an uncomfortable way. Obi-Wan got up and pulled on his boots. He handed his lightsaber to Master Jinn when they left the temple. He regretted it because if they were under attack he wouldn’t have a weapon. 

He could feel Master Jinn’s light. He rushed toward it. He was in the cockpit. And he was seated. 

“Are we under attack?” Obi-Wan demanded. 

“Only from the inside,” Master Jinn said. The ship jolted. Obi-Wan stumbled and then quickly dropped into the seat.

“What’s going on?” 

“The ship’s nav and engines are shutting down. I’m just trying to get it somewhere that someone can find us before-”

The ship jolted violently, dropping out of hyper space. They were stalled in the middle of a trillion stars, with no planets or moons or even asteroids anywhere nearby.

“Well, shit,” Master Jinn said. 

“Now what?” Obi-Wan asked, picking himself up off the floor. 

“I’m setting the distress signal… and then one of us is going to have to crawl around on the inside and see if we can get any of this fix.” 

“And by one of us, you mean me,” Obi-Wan said, raising an eyebrow. 

“Well, you are smaller.” 

“Not that much smaller,” Obi-Wan muttered. 

Obi-Wan still allowed himself to be steered toward the panel. They got it off and Obi-Wan began poking around. He’d never enjoyed working with ships or droids. But that didn’t mean he didn’t know a few things. Looking around he figured out pretty fast what the problem was. 

“You said this ship was old?” Obi-Wan asked 

“I didn’t,” Master Jinn said. “But it’s not new.” 

“Well, the wiring needed replacing eons ago, and the planet itself didn’t help. Basically they’re fried and this ship isn’t going anywhere,” Obi-Wan explained. 

“Great,” Master Jinn muttered. “While you were under there I checked the Communications systems. They’re working, so we can contact Coruscant with our location.” 

“Not easily,” Obi-Wan said. “The planet we were on doesn’t exactly have a fixed trajectory. At least not one we’ve figured out. I’m 100% certain that you got on the planet at a different location as I did. And I don’t know what we were near when we left. Do you remember off the top of your head?” 

“Fucking Sith,” Master Jinn cursed. 

“So, contact the Temple and otherwise put out a distress beacon and hope for the best,” Obi-Wan said. 

Obi-Wan lowered himself into one of the chairs and watched while Master Jinn pulled up the comm system and called in to Master Windu. It was odd but not unpleasant to see Master Windu, even in a hazy, blue form. 

“We were about to send out a search party,” Master Windu said. 

“Well, I took an unintended detour,” Master Jinn said. 

“How unintended?” 

“I hopped a few systems and ended up on a yet unknown Sith planet with a wild course and only got out yesterday, apparently in a vastly different place than it was when it landed… and I landed an indeterminate number of days ago. How long have I been gone exactly?” 

“About two weeks,” Master Windu said. 

“Lovely. Looks like that place really does mess with time,” Master Jinn said, glancing back at Obi-Wan who shrugged. 

“So you’re on your way to the temple?” Master Windu said. 

“My ship had a grave malfunction,” Master Jinn said. 

“Which means?” Master Windu’s eyebrow was twitching.

“The Nav and Engine are shot and I have no idea where we currently are.” Master Jinn’s tone was far too cheerful for the situation. Obi-Wan suddenly had a memory scream to the front of his mind. It seemed that Master Jinn had been aggravating the Council even in the real world. It was just like all his visions as well. Obi-Wan rubbed his forehead, willing his mind to stay clear and not get the real world confused again.

“Only you,” Master Windu said in a tone that was just acceptance. “What do you mean ‘We’?” 

“Initiate Kenobi, here please,” Master Jinn said. 

Obi-Wan hesitated for a moment. No, ‘hesitation’ wasn’t the word. He froze with a certain amount of fear. He hadn’t realized he’d have to face the Council so soon. His childish fear of them had warped into something rather darker under Master Sidious’s poisoned words. He stared at Master Jinn in abject terror. 

But Master Jinn just offered him a kind smile and his hand. Obi-Wan rose slowly on jelly legs and made his way over slowly to Master Jinn. He extended his arm, placing his hand in Master Jinn’s as soon as he could. Master Jinn gently guided him close and laid a hand on his shoulder.

Obi-Wan had to resist snuggling into the older man’s side, especially when he looked up and met Master Windu’s icy gaze. 

“You remember Initiate Obi-Wan Kenobi,” Master Jinn said as a statement, not a question. 

“Initiate Kenobi?” Master Windu asked, shock coloring his words. 

“Yes, Master?” Obi-Wan answered on automatic. 

“Where did you find him?” 

“It turns out he was captured by pirates and then claimed by the Sith after he was sent from the Temple. And believe me, Mace, I will be having words with the Council about not following up on children who don’t arrive at their intended destination.” 

“I see,” Mace said. Obi-Wan had to fight to keep meeting his gaze. “He doesn’t look like your prisoner.” 

“He’s not.” Master Jinn had such a hard edge to his voice that Obi-Wan jumped. He remembered that tone from when he was a boy. He felt shame hit his gut. He shouldn’t have jumped like that. He was a man, an adult, not a child. 

“Explain, Jinn.” 

“He rescued me. He healed me, using a Sith technique that demands a sacrifice and gave me a year of his life. Then he got me out of the Temple I was trapped in and back to my ship. He’s offered to give every bit of information he has so long as we won’t allow him to be returned to his Masters.” 

“Is this true, Kenobi?” 

“Yes, Master.” Obi-Wan was proud that his voice didn’t sound weak. He did lean into Master Jinn a little. But then, Master Jinn had shifted to put his arm around Obi-Wan’s shoulders. So it should be okay. 

“Alright. We’ll come find you. See if you can find any recognizable constellations or any information from the nav system before it broke to send us. And for Force sake, leave your distress signal on,” Master Windu said. 

“Yes, Mace,” Master Jinn said. Then he turned off the comm. 

Obi-Wan nearly collapsed against the older man. But Master Jinn just gathered him into his arms and held him up. Obi-Wan barely resisted hiding his face in Master Jinn’s chest, which was broad and strong and very appealing for hiding in, along with other things. 

“Why are you so afraid?” Master Jinn asked. “You aren’t afraid with me.” 

“It’s… I was scared like all the Initiates were of the Council… Master Sidious just made it worse. He used to say things. Things I know aren’t true, but it stuck anyway.” It was so shameful. Obi-Wan dropped his head a bit. “I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t need to be sorry, Obi-Wan,” Master Jinn said. “Is it alright if I call you that?” 

“Yes,” Obi-Wan whispered. He looked up at Master Jinn. “Thank you… but I don’t know why you didn’t tell him I would be a burden.” 

“A burden?” 

“It’s better to have me executed then have my Masters killing Jedi to get to me,” Obi-Wan said. 

“Ah… yes. That’s something it’s better to explain in person,” Master Jinn said. 

Obi-Wan nodded. “I understand. Um, do you think I could call someone?” 

“Who?” 

“Maul,” Obi-Wan said. Master Jinn instantly became tense. “He’ll come looking for me. He’ll cut through anyone in his way, unless he knows this is my choice. Then he’ll keep his distance and help to keep Master Sidious and Master Tyrannus off my trail.” 

Master Jinn let out a deep and put upon sigh. “Alright, but I’m monitoring this communication.” 

“I expected you would,” Obi-Wan said. He pulled away and pulled him to the Comm. He plugged in Maul’s comm number. 

Maul appeared in the comm the same way Master Windu had. The serious look on Maul’s face melted as soon as he saw Obi-Wan. 

“I know you’d make it out.” 

“I had a bit of help,” Obi-Wan said. 

“Help?” 

Obi-Wan grabbed Master Jinn’s sleeve and tugged him into the view. A number of creative Sith curses began spilling out of Maul’s mouth. Obi-Wan smiled. 

“I’m fine,” Obi-Wan said before Maul could start listing off the violent tortures he would visit on Master Jinn’s head. “I never really wanted to be with the Sith to begin with. You know that.” 

Maul paused. Something pained crossed his face. “I do know,” Maul admitted. 

“The temple knows I’m coming, and that I surrendered. You may want to distance yourself from me a bit.” 

“Understood,” Maul said stiffly. Obi-Wan didn’t know if he would do what Obi-Wan suggested or not. But it wasn’t up to Obi-Wan to decide that. “You.” Maul was suddenly addressing Master Jinn. “If I find out anything has happened to Obi-Wan, I will bathe the walls of your precious temple in Jedi blood.” 

“No, Maul,” Obi-Wan said firmly. “If Master Sidious or Master Tyrannus are closing in, I asked that they kill me. I can’t go back there. I simply can’t. This is my choice. I don’t want any more bloodshed on my account.” 

“Perhaps, if you kept the Sith off of Obi-Wan’s trail, you wouldn’t have to worry about his safety too much,” Master Jinn said. “I have no real interest in causing Obi-Wan harm. He was one of us at one point.” 

Maul hesitated and then gave a firm nod. “I’m going to have to destroy this comm. Anything else I should know?” 

“Miss you?” Obi-Wan said with a little half smile. 

Maul smiled back. “We’ll see each other again.” The comm went dark. 

Obi-Wan moved back to his seat while Master Jinn turned the comm off. Obi-Wan had a moment where he considered sitting and then pulling his knees up to his chest; but he was too old for that. He settled for dropping into his seat with a really tired sigh. 

“The ship is stocked with water and ration bars,” Master Jinn said. “I think it’s about time for some food.” 

“I do too,” Obi-Wan responded. He was inordinately grateful for the distraction, even if it was only temporary. His life had taken a radical change. He needed time to adjust.

* * *

For every morning that followed, Obi-Wan found it hard to get out of bed. Even though he slept at the edge of the bed, trying to not invade Master Jinn’s space (despite the other man’s best efforts, Obi-Wan couldn’t bring himself to call him Qui-Gon). Being so close to the man he’d lived an entire other life with in his visions was like a dream. Obi-Wan was afraid of waking up from it. And he was afraid of losing reality. Also, Master Jinn kept the bed very warm, and Obi-Wan didn’t particularly like leaving such comfortable accommodations.

They kept a schedule, even if it didn’t really line up to a normal day schedule. When they woke they would meditate. They would meditate for about an hour. Master Jinn still guided Obi-Wan through meditation, but Obi-Wan was certain he’d be able to do it on his own soon. He was slowly working his way through the past years of his life and the emotions that had overwhelmed him since the beginning. He felt better after meditation. 

Next on the schedule were katas. Obi-Wan knew the katas well because Master Dooku still favored them himself. Even though Obi-Wan was well versed in Sith styles of fighting, he still maintained that portion of his Jedi training. He was very proud of that when he and Master Jinn sparred. Also, the level of trust Master Jinn showed him during those sessions was incredible. He never worried about Obi-Wan having his lightsaber. Obi-Wan was very protective of it. 

After about three of their cycles he admitted that he kept his old crystal from his old Jedi lightsaber in the hilt. He didn’t have it connected to anything, but it kept the crystal close and hidden. He’d stolen it from his initiate lightsaber before he’d left to be a farmer, not ready to give up on his dreams. The look on Master Jinn’s face had been very sad then. 

Master Jinn looked sad a lot. Obi-Wan knew he was the cause of it, but there wasn’t much he could do to fix that, so mostly he tried not to think about it. 

After katas was their first meal. The ship was well, well stocked with water and ration bars. There were even some fruit and vegetables that had been frozen. It wasn’t hard to prepare. And there were dried grains and tea. It didn’t make for the most exciting meals, but they had food for a while. 

First meal also included discussion time, mostly about philosophy. Obi-Wan didn’t have a general Jedi education, but Master Tyrannus had seen to it that Obi-Wan, Maul and even Asajj all received a solid education. Master Tyrannus said it was so they could go undercover. Obi-Wan had a good education in languages and protocol, better than Maul and Asajj who took to the vicious fighting styles and philosophy of the Sith with great gusto.

Obi-Wan was pleased that he could generally keep up when it came to philosophy discussions with Master Jinn. He didn’t know all the texts Master Jinn referenced, but Master Tyrannus had quickly found that Obi-Wan had an easier time learning Sith philosophy if he could take Jedi philosophy and show Obi-Wan where it was wrong. 

Obi-Wan admitted to Master Jinn that he’d figured out how to parrot what Master Tyrannus wanted for the most part, so he could keep having those kinds of lessons. The look on Master Jinn’s face was an odd mix of mirth and pride that Obi-Wan kept revisiting when it was time to sleep.

After meals were general ship maintenance and star charting to try and help the Temple figure out where they were. Unfortunately, neither of them were experts in charting stars. It made the process slow and tedious. 

That was probably why after hours of charting they were go back to the katas. They needed to be able to move around and just do something else. Obi-Wan also liked the extra practice hours. He was certain he wouldn’t be allowed such things once they were found and taken back to the temple. But he took joy in the moments he had. He absorbed what he could while he could and held it in his heart. 

They ended the days with another round of meditation. Obi-Wan mostly tried to sort through his day during the quiet time. He felt more and more in control every day. 

After about two weeks of this they ran into their first real problem. Since they weren’t traveling there had been plenty of fuel to keep the ship’s life support going. But after two weeks Obi-Wan noted that the fuel levels had dropped considerably. It took two days to find the leak, and after that they had to start rationing power. 

They sorted out which rooms they never used and locked them up, shutting off power to those rooms. They shut down more heat to the kitchen, which mean the temperature dropped enough that they could use considerably less power to the cooler units. The general temperature of the ship was taken down a few degrees as well. They were maintaining, but both men knew they needed to find rescue soon.

The worst life support issue for Obi-Wan came at sleeping time. Sharing a bed became a necessity, since they turned the heat down more at night. The body warmth of both of them and the extra blankets meant they could conserve a bit of energy. And Master Jinn seemed to have no qualms wrapping around Obi-Wan. 

Obi-Wan didn’t exactly have qualms either. The versions of himself he’d lived in the visions had been deeply in love with Master Jinn. Their weeks together had proven to Obi-Wan that Qui-Gon Jinn was easy to love. He was friendly, intelligent, kind and beautiful. They spent all day around each other and Obi-Wan felt like he still wanted more. 

Laying there sleeping so peacefully, wrapped completely around each other, Obi-Wan had a hard time not wanting to touch where he shouldn’t. He wanted to stroke Master Jinn’s brow and kiss the little crooked part of his nose. He wanted to run his thumb over Master Jinn’s bottom lip and tangle his fingers in his beard. 

Sleeping became very difficult.

It didn’t help that Master Jinn was free with his touch. Even with Maul, Obi-Wan wasn’t used to friendly touches. He had never realized how much he craved touch until Master Jinn kept laying his hands on Obi-Wan’s shoulders or back, or ruffling his hair. And maybe it was Obi-Wan’s imagination, but it seemed like he would catch Master Jinn’s eyes lingering on his body. But that was probably just wishful thinking on his part. 

But he couldn’t help but hope that it really wasn’t.

* * *

Three and a half weeks after the ship broke down, Obi-Wan had decided to turn the temperature at sleep time down another two degrees. It might be colder, but he was starting to wonder if they actually would make it in time for rescue. He’d taken his free hour and begun writing up notes for the temple. Maybe they would help a little anyway. 

Master Jinn was already in his sleep clothes and under the blankets. Obi-Wan was pulling on Master Jinn’s sleep shirt. He hadn’t brought any of his own clothes except what he’d had on his back when they boarded the ship. He’d been wearing Master Jinn’s clothes so much that he started to think of them as ‘their’ clothes. He finished pulling his shirt over his head and found Master Jinn was staring at him. 

“What?” Obi-Wan asked, his mouth quirking into a half smirk. 

“I would like to ask you a question, Obi-Wan,” Master Jinn said, pushing himself up on his elbow. 

“Yes?” 

“And you must understand that if you do not want you, you aren’t obligated.” Master Jinn sounded so worried. 

Obi-Wan found himself laughing. “Just ask your question, Old Man.” That, at least, amused Master Jinn. He pushed himself up the rest of the way and patted the spot on the bed next to him. Obi-Wan climbed into bed, sticking his legs under the blankets. 

“Obi-Wan, do you want me?” Master Jinn asked. 

For a moment Obi-Wan’s heart stopped. His mouth became very dry. Obi-Wan opened his mouth but no sound came out. 

“The way you look at me, sometimes I think you do,” Master Jinn. “But I can’t be certain if it’s just my own mind. It’s just occurred to me that we may not have many days left. There’s no reason to regret not asking until it’s too late.” 

“It’s… yes, I want you, Master,” Obi-Wan said. 

Master Jinn frowned. “Obi-Wan, can you understand why for this conversation it would be better if you called me by my first name?” 

“Yes, of course, Qui-Gon.” The words tasted so sweet and so strange in his mouth. Obi-Wan shivered. Qui-Gon clearly misunderstood the shiver and put his arm around Obi-Wan, tugging him close for warmth. They’d done that many times now.

“I don’t want to make you feel forced about this,” Qui-Gon said. 

“I don’t,” Obi-Wan said quickly. “I didn’t want to burden you with my feelings.” 

Qui-Gon’s face molded into that sad look again. Obi-Wan’s stomach dropped out a bit. He didn’t want to see it now, not during what may be the most important conversation of his life. He leaned over and kissed Qui-Gon, just trying to make the look go away. 

It shocked him how warm Qui-Gon’s lips were, and how his moustache was a little scratchy. And he was surprised by how warm it made him feel. It was just a short kiss. Short, closed lipped and chaste. But Obi-Wan felt warm down to his toes when he’d felt cold for weeks now.

“Does that answer your question?” Obi-Wan asked, quirking a brow.

Qui-Gon sat back a bit and licked his lips. Obi-Wan’s eyes closely followed the path of his tongue. He saw when Qui-Gon’s mouth set into a smirk. When Obi-Wan looked up to meet Qui-Gon’s eyes, he saw that the older man looked very smug. 

“Yes, I believe it does.” Qui-Gon was practically growling. Obi-Wan felt that sound right down in his stomach. Shortly afterwards he felt Qui-Gon’s lips on his own.


	2. Chapter 2

Qui-Gon pushed him back on the bed. Obi-Wan went willingly, happily even. Qui-Gon was still kissing him after all, and Obi-Wan felt a thrill shoot through his entire body. His experiences with sex had been, at best, awkward fumblings with Maul that they both regretted pretty quickly afterwards and finally made a pact to stop after the third time or so of not being able to look each other in the eyes for a few days afterwards. At worst, his experiences were a lot of pain that left Obi-Wan so heart heavy that thinking about it made it hard to get out of bed. 

This wasn’t like that at all. Qui-Gon didn’t go fast at all. He was laying half on Obi-Wan. His lap was across Obi-Wan’s hip, and Qui-Gon’s leg rested between Obi-Wan’s legs. Whenever Qui-Gon shifted his leg would brush against Obi-Wan’s cock, leaving him breathless for a second. Obi-Wan was certain Qui-Gon knew this, because he used those moments of slack jawed shock to plunder Obi-Wan’s mouth. Obi-Wan wasn’t going to complain. 

Qui-Gon had his broad chest laying half across Obi-Wan’s. They were starting to breathe together. Obi-Wan could feel the way their chests pushed against each other with each breath. And every time they exhaled, Obi-Wan could see their breaths meeting. It was the only way he remembered how could the room was, because he felt so warm all over. And every little brush of Qui-Gon’s fingertips left a feeling like lightning on his skin. 

Obi-Wan felt no need to speak. He’d gotten used to the quiet of the ship, where it was just them and their words and breath and the faint hum of power in the ship. But even the faint hum seemed to be gone. It was just Obi-Wan’s occasional gasps and Qui-Gon’s heavier breathing.

Obi-Wan was properly pinned by Qui-Gon, who was both taller and a broader. Qui-Gon actually made him feel dainty. Just thinking that sent pleasure through Obi-Wan’s body. He didn’t feel weak, he just felt wanted. 

Qui-Gon pulled away a little, not a lot, but enough that Obi-Wan found himself letting out an unhappy whine. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Qui-Gon said, amusement in his tone. 

“You’re not kissing me anymore,” Obi-Wan pouted. 

Qui-Gon chuckled. He propped himself up on his elbow and ran his fingers idly through Obi-Wan’s hair. “I know you want kisses, but I need to know what you want from this besides that.” 

“This being?” Obi-Wan hedged. 

“This moment,” Qui-Gon said. “It’s a little late to be talking about the relationship as a whole.” 

“Is it too brash to say sex?” Obi-Wan said. 

“Probably, but given that we are facing our somewhat eminent demise, I don’t think it matters.” 

“Then I want to sleep with you,” Obi-Wan said definitively. 

“Is there are particular way you want to go about this, or-”

Obi-Wan let out a frustrated groan. He grabbed Qui-Gon by one of his ears and dragged him into a kiss that had enough bite in it that only a fool wouldn’t be able to notice Obi-Wan’s frustration. Qui-Gon laughed into that kiss, but Obi-Wan didn’t mind, because Qui-Gon finally stopped talking and wanting exact words to describe what Obi-Wan was certain he’d never be able to explain.

Obi-Wan moved his hips, brushing against Qui-Gon’s cock this time. The sound was a little louder than before, and Obi-Wan was pretty certain he’d never heard anything so good in his life. He would be happy if anything else happened. He would be happy if they just laid there and went no further, but Qui-Gon seem to want more. 

Qui-Gon gently tugged at Obi-Wan’s shirt. Obi-Wan helped him get the shirt off and then helped Qui-Gon his shirt off. Without shame, Obi-Wan ran his hands up Qui-Gon’s chest. Unlike the first time Obi-Wan had to touch Qui-Gon’s bare skin, the older man didn’t flinch, or seem tense. He let out a soft, breathy whine which made Obi-Wan’s ears get hot. Then Qui-Gon ran his fingers across the plains of Obi-Wan’s chest. 

It struck Obi-Wan that he’d never so badly wanted to be wanted. Even with the years Obi-Wan had surrendered, he was still younger than Master Qui-Gon. But often times his appearance made him feel self-conscious. He didn’t even know what he was really supposed to look like anymore, even though he was a handsome man even now. 

Master Qui-Gon bit his bottom lip. “Don’t think so much,” he said. 

“Sorry,” Obi-Wan said. 

“You’re a special man, Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon said. “I want you very much, and since you want me back, there’s no reason for us to not do this.” 

“Yes,” Obi-Wan said. He drew in an unsteady breath, but it calmed his mind enough that when Qui-Gon began kissing him again that he was simply there, kissing the man he had fallen so desperately in love with. 

They divested themselves of their bottoms fairly quickly after that. There wasn’t really a plan, mostly just slowly moving against one another. Neither of them were very loud. The sounds they made were generally gasps or whispered curses if something felt good. Qui-Gon was given to soft growls that got Obi-Wan’s temperature up. But every time Obi-Wan let out a soft whimper, Qui-Gon would seek to devour his mouth as if the sound that came from there was the grandest delicacy. 

And they went slow. It was unhurried. Their hands didn’t move quickly as they ran them over each other’s bodies, simply cataloging their partner’s responses. Eventually Qui-Gon took one of Obi-Wan’s hands and laced their fingers together. They stayed that way through the rest of their slow grinding, and through their shared orgasm. When Qui-Gon finally got himself together enough to move himself off Obi-Wan he let got, but only so he could change hands. 

Obi-Wan fell asleep with his fingers laced with Qui-Gon Jinn. He couldn’t think of anything more beautiful in the entire galaxy.

* * *

The end of their sleeping cycle brought changes. Qui-Gon was a very physical man. Obi-Wan would be minding his own business and then find powerful arms wrapping around his middle and his person dragged against Qui-Gon’s broad, solid chest. He liked it very much that way. He liked how Qui-Gon seemed to start and end every meditation and spar with a kiss. Every time they parted and returned to each other there would be kisses.

Obi-Wan had never been so happy in his life. He knew that they might not survive much longer, but for a time he was allowed to feel how he felt. He was allowed to feel safe and cared for and wanted. He knew that if they were rescued that he would be locked up. He was fine with that. He knew that while he was deeply in love with Qui-Gon, that Qui-Gon would not return his feelings. Obi-Wan didn’t mind that either. The only thing that really bothered him was the thought that Qui-Gon wouldn’t make it. 

Obi-Wan took the star charts and the reports to the Temple with a new fervor. He didn’t care anymore if he made it. He just wanted Qui-Gon to be able to get home. While he hadn’t allowed himself to think that it would be easier if the ship wasn’t supporting two people, yet, he knew that the sacrifice he couldn’t make when he was only trying to escape the Sith would come easily to him now. He would end his own life to give Qui-Gon more time. But he also knew well enough to not suggest that to Qui-Gon. He didn’t want to upset Qui-Gon. 

He hoped, deep in his heart, that Qui-Gon would visit him once they returned to the temple. He hoped Qui-Gon would come to him for sex and kisses. He hoped that Qui-Gon would know that Obi-Wan would never turn him away and would always want him. But he also didn’t say this. He didn’t want to burden Qui-Gon with the feelings and emotions of a Sith.

Although Obi-Wan was hardly a Sith now. 

They turned off all power to any room they weren’t using at any given moment, except for the cockpit, and dropped the overall temperature a few more degrees. One of the good things about all the affection Qui-Gon gave him was that it was warm. They navigated the halls by the Force and touch. Obi-Wan hoped it would give them a few more days. 

Still, Qui-Gon insisted on katas and meditation. And they stayed in the same room at all times to not waste power now. The katas did tend to warm them both up, and it kept them busy. It certainly helped Obi-Wan not to panic. After meditation he always felt like they had a little hope, which he often didn’t feel after hours of charting stars or writing notes.

Still, Obi-Wan knew they were getting down to their last days. He was sitting in the cockpit, trying to chart stars, though his mind was everywhere but. He was considering just moving them to the cockpit for the rest of their days. It would save energy, but not that much. He set that notion aside. He would rather die in bed with Qui-Gon, curled up and in a place he had been happy. 

The decision actually made him feel better. He placed comfort over survival, because honestly discomfort would only buy them a day or two at the most. And was that worth it? Obi-Wan didn’t think so. He’d do whatever Qui-Gon wanted, but he wasn’t going to suggest it.

There was silence in the cockpit except f or their breathing and the general sounds of a ship running. And then a quiet beeping sound started. It wasn’t loud, but it startled Obi-Wan none the less. 

“It’s the hailing signal,” Qui-Gon said, scrambling to slam his hand on the button and answer. Obi-Wan could only sit there dumbly and stare. 

“Master!” Anakin Skywalker declared. His face lighting up the screen. 

“Hello, Anakin,” Qui-Gon said with a quiet warmth. “I assume this means you’ve found us.” 

“Yeah, we’re close enough. It’s Ahsoka and I and some of the troopers in the tow ship,” Anakin said. “If you need anything you should go get it now.” 

Obi-Wan stood up and left to go gather their clothes. He knew his way around the ship well enough now. It wasn’t hard to find his way back to their bedroom. He found Master Qui-Gon’s bag and carefully but the clothes back in. Most of them could probably use a wash, so Obi-Wan moved the couple of clean pairs over to the overnight bag, along with the teeth cleaning kit. From there he hesitated for a moment before he started to undress. 

He didn’t want to embarrass Master Qui-Gon. He couldn’t be seen wearing his clothes. He didn’t want anyone to think less of Master Qui-Gon for being kind to a Sith. Obi-Wan redressed in the clothes he’d worn in the Sith Temple. He’d worn pieces from the outfit during his stay on the ship, but not the entire outfit, not since the temple. He felt like he’d stripped away a layer of safety, but it needed to be done. 

He finished gathering Qui-Gon’s clothes and carried the bags back to the cockpit. Anakin Skywalker was no longer on the screen, and Qui-Gon was humming in contentment. He turned to look at Obi-Wan when he entered and did a double take. Obi-Wan gave him a weak smile. 

“One must look their best when confronting the enemy,” Obi-Wan said dryly. 

“Do you see Anakin as the enemy?” Qui-Gon asked. He extended his hand, beckoning Obi-Wan over. Obi-Wan went willingly. Since they had begun having sex, Qui-Gon would draw Obi-Wan into his lap and hold him sometimes. Obi-Wan truly loved that type of affection, but he didn’t want anyone to walk in and see. 

Instead he took Qui-Gon’s hand and laced their fingers together. Qui-Gon smiled like he understood. He drew Obi-Wan’s hand close and kissed the back. Obi-Wan felt a little calmer for it. 

“I don’t,” Obi-Wan said. “But I am what I am.” 

“Yes, you are,” Qui-Gon said. He had a peculiar look in his eyes, but Obi-Wan didn’t feel threatened by it. Qui-Gon had proven he was a kind man. He wouldn’t purposefully hurt Obi-Wan. 

“Here,” Obi-Wan said, unclipping his lightsaber from his belt. He handed it to Qui-Gon, who just looked confused. 

“This is yours,” Qui-Gon said. 

“Yes, but you heard him. They have troopers with them. They don’t trust me… I would rather you have it… and if it goes to impound, will you take my kyber crystals out before you turn it over?” 

“I will,” Qui-Gon said. He fastened the lightsaber to his belt, next to his own. Obi-Wan felt naked without it, but it still pleased him to see it hanging at Master Qui-Gon’s side. 

Obi-Wan bent down and gave Qui-Gon a quick kiss, pulling away when he felt other life forms entering the ship. 

“Easy,” Qui-Gon soothed. But Obi-Wan didn’t feel calm. This was it. He would be locked up and be lucky to ever see Master Qui-Gon again. And if the man was smart, he’d stay away all together. Still, for all his fear, Obi-Wan put on a calm mask and banished his feelings to the Force. It was better to be numb. He didn’t want to be an embarrassment to Master Qui-Gon.

He gave Master Qui-Gon’s hand a squeeze and then let go, right before people entered the cockpit. 

“Sith hells, it’s freezing in here,” Anakin Skywalker said. 

“That’s what happen when you need to conserve power, Padawan Mine,” Master Qui-Gon said dryly. Obi-Wan didn’t turn around, but he did step back from Master Qui-Gon when he saw the man wanted to stand. 

Obi-Wan made himself turn around. Anakin Skywalker and a couple of Clone Troopers were standing in the cockpit, making it crowded. 

“Yeah, well, let’s get you over to a ship with some heat. You got what you need?” Anakin asked. 

“I believe Obi-Wan collected our effects,” Qui-Gon said. Obi-Wan felt the warmth of Qui-Gon’s hand come to rest on his shoulder, almost on the back of his neck. Obi-Wan wanted so much to lean into that comforting touch, but instead he stayed still. 

“About that,” Anakin said. He was giving Obi-Wan a suspicious look. 

“I submit myself,” Obi-Wan said, keeping a calm façade. “If you would like to arrest me I will accepted it peacefully.” 

“Obi-Wan, there’s no reason for that,” Qui-Gon said, squeezing his shoulder. 

“It’s appropriate,” Obi-Wan said. 

“Yeah, well, appropriate or not, I’m under orders to treat you like a guest.” Anakin said like it chafed him to even admit it. 

“See,” Qui-Gon said. “Come on, let’s go to the other ship, where it’s warmer.” 

Obi-Wan felt Qui-Gon pushing his shoulder. He was nudging him along, so Obi-Wan went. A few of the troopers went first, and Qui-Gon kept Obi-Wan in front of him. Obi-Wan walked to the exit hatch, which had been opened and connected to a temporary bridge, allowing them to travel to the larger ship. The bridge was colder, but the second they were on the towing vessel, Obi-Wan could feel how much warmer it was. 

“Master Qui-Gon,” a happy voice called. A teenager rushed over and threw her arms around Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan smiled a little and he stepped aside to give them both more space. 

Qui-Gon rumbled happily and hugged the young woman back. “Hello, Ahsoka. I’m glad to see you too.” 

“Are you okay?” she asked, pulling her face out of Qui-Gons chest and peering up at him.

“I am better now that I have seen you, little one,” Qui-Gon said, quiet affection coloring his tone. 

“No offense, but can we have this reunion where we aren’t blocking the way?” Anakin asked. 

“Sorry, Master,” Ahsoka said quickly. 

“It’s fine. Qui-Gon, I’m supposed to debrief you anyway,” Anakin said. 

“I see,” Qui-Gon said. He met Obi-Wan’s eyes. This was where they were separated. He couldn’t help if he looked a little sad. He felt sadness deep in his bones. “If you would show Obi-Wan to whatever rooms you’ve set aside for me. He’ll be staying with me.” 

Shock shot right up Obi-Wan’s spine. And clearly he wasn’t the only one. 

“But, Sir,” one of the clones said. 

“Do as I say, Cody,” Qui-Gon said. His tone left no word for argument, not from the clones anyway. Anakin was a different story. 

“Master Qui-Gon-” Anakin began. 

“You do have to debrief me anyway,” Qui-Gon said, giving Anakin the kind of disappointed look Obi-Wan would receive as a Padawan in his visions. Seeing it in real life, even not directed at him, made Obi-Wan’s stomach flip over. “We can discuss this then.” 

“Yes, Master,” Anakin said, not looking happy. “Well, guys, you heard him.” 

“This way, Sir,” one of the clones who had the bags said. 

“Obi-Wan, go with them,” Qui-Gon said. He drew Obi-Wan close though, and tipped Obi-Wan’s head up with a gentle push of his fingers under Obi-Wan’s chin. His eyes held so much warmth that Obi-Wan felt he couldn’t breathe. 

“Yes, Qui-Gon,” Obi-Wan found himself whispering. 

“Good,” Qui-Gon whispered back. He closed the gap between them. He laid the kind of soft kisses Obi-Wan favored on Obi-Wan’s mouth. Obi-Wan returned this kiss for barely a second before Qui-Gon withdrew. Obi-Wan made a sad sound, but Qui-Gon’s lips returned, this time to place a kiss on the side of Obi-Wan’s lips. 

Then Qui-Gon withdrew fully. He went one way, following his padawan and grandpadawan, while Obi-Wan turned and followed the clonetroopers down the hall to Qui-Gon’s quarters. 

“Thank you,” Obi-Wan said softly once they arrived and the two troopers had put down the bags. 

“We are under orders,” one of the clones said. 

“Fives, that isn’t polite,” the other clone said. 

Obi-Wan smiled. “But I’m certain it’s true. I don’t mind.” 

“You don’t seem like any of the Sith we’ve faced before,” the clone named Fives said. 

“I imagine I am different,” Obi-Wan said. “And Master Qui-Gon has been helping me deal with my anger. I am calmer than I was when he and I met.”

“Is it true you’re leaving the Sith?” the other clone asked. 

“Yes,” Obi-Wan said. “I didn’t particularly want to be a Sith anyway. If I can help the Jedi I will.” 

“That still sounds fishy,” Fives said. 

“It sounds a little too good to be true, I imagine,” Obi-Wan said. “But it is true. It’s been a pleasure to meet you both, but if you will excuse me, I’d like to meditate for a while.” 

“Yes, Sir,” the other clone said. “I’m Echo. If you need anything, one of us will be around.” 

“Thank you, but I’m certain I won’t,” Obi-Wan said. He ushered the pair of clones out and then turned to face his new prison. 

As far as prisons went, it was very nice. It was warm, at least. And Qui-Gon would be there sometimes, which made it wonderful. But it was smaller than their room on the other ship, even with the bed meant to accommodate someone of Qui-Gon’s size. 

Obi-Wan was surprised but grateful that he got a little more time with Qui-Gon, no matter how little it would be. 

He slipped off his boots and settled himself on his knees on the floor. Qui-Gon would return to him at some point. Until then, Obi-Wan could use a little bit of time to gather his peace and prepare for returning to Coruscant. There was still a lot of pain he needed to deal with surrounding the temple and the Jedi who had sent him away. He didn’t want to be even a little out of control when they finally arrived.

* * *

Obi-Wan didn’t know how long he meditated for, but he came back to reality to warm hands on his cheeks, and familiar rough thumbs stroking his beard. He tipped his head back and opened his eyes and smiled up at Qui-Gon, who was standing behind him. 

“That’s the first time you’ve meditated on your own since you were a child,” Qui-Gon pointed out. 

“It is, isn’t it?” Obi-Wan asked, happiness and lightness filling his chest. “How did your debriefing go.” 

“Short, but the yelling that followed took a long time,” Qui-Gon said with a sardonic smile. 

“Yelling?” Obi-Wan asked. 

“Anakin didn’t take well to me sleeping with the enemy, as he said.” Qui-Gon truly sounded unhappy. 

“Oh,” Obi-Wan said. “And he couldn’t help but express himself. Well, nice to know there wasn’t anything I could have done.” 

“What?” Qui-Gon looked adorable when he was confused. 

“In my visions I became Anakin’s Master after you died,” Obi-Wan said. “You asked me to.” 

“I see,” Qui-Gon said. He looked sad again. “I take it he’s as stubborn in your visions?” 

“Absolutely,” Obi-Wan said. “But I rarely yelled back.” 

Qui-Gon huffed. He bent down and kissed Obi-Wan’s forehead. “Come, let’s sit on the bed. I’m afraid my back doesn’t like me bending over like this.” 

“Yes, Qui-Gon,” Obi-Wan agreed. He stood and allowed Qui-Gon to guide him to sit on the end of the bed. 

“Does it upset you that he doesn’t like you?” Qui-Gon asked, putting his arm around Obi-Wan’s middle. 

“It upsets me that I didn’t get to help him grow,” Obi-Wan said. “But I understand why he doesn’t like me right now. He has good reason. But you should know that I love Maul even though I know there was a world where he killed you. And I love him even though he killed other people I loved in my visions. And I love him even knowing the horrible things he’s done in reality. My caring about someone isn’t predicated on how people perceive their value, or if they are good or not. I love them. Love is simple in concept and difficult in execution.” 

“So, you love Anakin,” Qui-Gon said. 

“Yes.” 

“And Ahsoka?” 

“Yes. Although I wish I could get to know them in the real world.” 

“And me. Do you love me, Obi-Wan?” 

Obi-Wan’s eyes stung suddenly, and he had to blink a few times before he could look Qui-Gon in the eyes and see him. “I love you the most,” he whispered. 

Qui-Gon let out a sad huff and then wrapped both arms around Obi-Wan. 

“The goodness in your heart runs deeper even than most Jedi,” Qui-Gon said. Obi-Wan closed his eyes and pressed his face into Qui-Gon’s shoulder. The bitterness of who he should have been burned hard in his gut, but he had to let it go. Instead he gave himself to the pain and love he felt for Qui-Gon. This couldn’t last. But for a brief time, Obi-Wan got to be cared about by the man he loved. That was enough.

“I didn’t expect you to want me to stay with you,” Obi-Wan said. 

“I noticed,” Qui-Gon said. “But you aren’t a prisoner, Obi-Wan.” 

“I noticed that as well,” Obi-Wan said, pulling away from the hug so his words wouldn’t be muffled by Qui-Gon’s chest. “Although the reason as to why alludes me.” 

“The Council sees you as a resource,” Qui-Gon said. He didn’t sound exactly happy about it.

“Resources can still be locked up,” Obi-Wan pointed out. 

“Yes, but for now you aren’t. You may have free run of the ship. And I am giving this back to you.” He took Obi-Wan’s lightsaber off his belt and handed it to him. 

“Thank you. When we arrive-”

“Yes, I will hold it for you again,” Qui-Gon said. 

“Thank you,” Obi-Wan said and refastened his lightsaber back to his belt. 

“I was wondering if you felt like sparring with me,” Qui-Gon said.

Obi-Wan blinked and then nodded. “Yes, I would like that.” 

“Good,” Qui-Gon said. “Change into something easy to move in.” 

They both got up and changed into Qui-Gon’s clothes. Obi-Wan felt a little thrill of it as they left Qui-Gon’s room and headed to the training room. It felt like the thrill he’d gotten as a child when he broke some small rule, like sneaking out of naps to get a snack. He was almost smiling by the time they got to the training room. But those good feelings dropped when he saw Ahsoka was already there.

“Master Qui-Gon,” Ahsoka said, looking a little wary. Obi-Wan made to pull away, possibly leave and go back to the bedroom, but Qui-Gon grabbed his arm and stilled him. 

“I wondered where you went,” Qui-Gon said. “Is Anakin also working out his frustration with katas?” 

“No, he found something to tinker with,” Ahsoka said. “Master Qui-Gon-”

“Why don’t you rest for a while and you can watch Obi-Wan and I spar,” Qui-Gon suggested. 

“Oh, okay,” she said. She moved out of the way, off to the side of the room. 

Obi-Wan followed Qui-Gon, feeling uncertain about the whole proposition. He got into the sparring position and focused on Qui-Gon and only Qui-Gon. They’d done this hundreds of times. More if Obi-Wan counted the visions. 

“Live in the moment, Padawan,” Qui-Gon said, a teasing smile on his lips and a sparkle in his eyes. 

“Try not to fall down and hurt yourself, Master,” Obi-Wan said in the sweetest tone he could. Qui-Gon laughed and then attacked. 

Obi-Wan wasn’t caught off guard. He would have been if he’d been a youth, but he was a fully trained adult. It may be Sith training, although Qui-Gon had been walking him through the kata and pleased at how much he actually did know, simply due to his visions and as much secret practice as Obi-Wan could get. And Obi-Wan was better because Qui-Gon had been meditating with him and practicing with him. 

Maybe Obi-Wan didn’t fight like a Jedi, but he no longer fought like only a Sith. 

They fought for a while. Obi-Wan found joy in it. He hadn’t meant to use the Force, but he was just so happy and he just wanted to win to prove that he could. He realized a moment too late what he’d done. Qui-Gon was swept off his feet and landed back on the floor.

“Master!” Ahsoka gasped. 

Obi-Wan turned his lightsaber off instantly. “Solah,” he said, holding up his hands. 

Qui-Gon groaned and sat up, rubbing his back. “Well, there are less humiliating ways to win.” 

“I apologize. I didn’t mean to lose control that way,” Obi-Wan said. 

“What was that?” Ahsoka asked, coming to kneel next to Qui-Gon. “It didn’t feel the way it does when a Sith attacks.” 

“Because Obi-Wan was using a strong emotion to control the Force, but it wasn’t anger,” Qui-Gon said. 

“What was it then?” Ahsoka demanded. 

“Ha-” Obi-Wan began. Ahsoka whipped her head around and looked at him. Qui-Gon was looking at him too, examining him closely. “Happiness,” Obi-Wan admitted quietly.

The wary and unhappy look in Ahsoka’s eyes cleared. She looked back at Qui-Gon for a moment and then returned to looking at Obi-Wan. 

“Oh,” she said. 

“I didn’t know I could do that,” Obi-Wan admitted.

“Well, we’ll have to work on your control,” Qui-Gon said, pushing himself off the floor. “But you did very well.” 

“Thank you, Master,” Obi-Wan said. He placed his palm against his fist and bowed, a move which Qui-Gon repeated. Obi-Wan’s heart thrummed with joy. It was like Qui-Gon was treating him like he was a Jedi. 

“I didn’t know that the Sith used other emotions besides anger,” Ahsoka said. 

“Anger’s easiest when you’re in a fight,” Obi-Wan explained. “But a lot of students learn fear first, because fear is also a strong motivator.” 

“Is that what you learned to use?” Ahsoka asked. “Fear?” 

“No,” Obi-Wan said. “Grief.” The look on Qui-Gon’s face was a heavy sadness that Obi-Wan couldn’t stand, so he looked at Ahsoka instead. She looked confused. “I was a Jedi initiate, before I aged out. Then I was kidnapped and the Sith found me.” 

“You were an Initiate,” Ahsoka whispered, her eyes getting huge. She looked to Qui-Gon. “Master, what does he mean by aged out?” 

“Before the war, when Initiates turned thirteen they had to find a Master or they were sent to one of the corps,” Qui-Gon explained. 

“But I was fourteen when I was assigned to Master Skywalker,” Ahsoka said in alarm. 

“And no Initiate would have been assigned. They had to be chosen,” Qui-Gon explained. “If it had been that way then, then Obi-Wan would have been my padawan.” 

There was a lot of sadness in his words. A part of him was glad that Qui-Gon was sad to have lost that time as well. But it wasn’t a big part of Obi-Wan. Mostly he wanted to clear the pain from Qui-Gon’s features. 

“It’s better this way,” Obi-Wan said. 

“How can this be better?” Qui-Gon demanded. 

“Because I can help the Jedi end the war. I know things,” Obi-Wan said. “I couldn’t have done that before. So it’s better.” 

“Obi-Wan, you have to stop sacrificing your life like this.” Qui-Gon sounded furious. Obi-Wan hadn’t wanted that. He’d just wanted to soothe him.

“This isn’t a sacrifice at this point. It’s going home. And I can’t change what happened. Why can’t I take peace where I can find it?” Obi-Wan asked, keeping his tone soft.

“Because you do it at the expense of yourself far too much,” Qui-Gon insisted. 

“I would rather give myself away than have it be used to harm people. This is my choice,” Obi-Wan said. Now he just felt hurt.

“Obi-” Qui-Gon started, but Obi-Wan didn’t allow him to say more. 

“I think I would like to meditate on my own for while,” Obi-Wan said. He turned and walked out, heading back to Qui-Gon’s rooms. He knew it was selfish to just walk away, but he felt hurt and he needed time to deal with the emotions, especially if he wasn’t full in control of himself.

* * *

Obi-Wan didn’t know where the time went. The days on the ship just slipped away. Qui-Gon found him a few hours after Obi-Wan’s little blow up in the training room. Obi-Wan had tried to apologize, but Qui-Gon had shaken his head and taken Obi-Wan to bed. And then it didn’t come up again. Obi-Wan was fine with that. He may not have been a prisoner on the ship, but he would be once they were in the temple. He didn’t want to spoil his last days with Qui-Gon. He already got much less of his time. 

Obi-Wan didn’t complain, of course. It wasn’t very Jedi-like to complain. Qui-Gon was needed for talks with the crew and making plans for when they shipped out again. Anakin also kept very busy. Obi-Wan very rarely saw him and when he did Anakin generally gave him a very unhappy look. Obi-Wan tried not to take it to heart. 

Qui-Gon was safe and going home and Obi-Wan got to spend nights with him. They still meditated when they woke and sparred, although they couldn’t do much beyond that because Qui-Gon was so busy. But it was fine. Obi-Wan spent extra time training, just to keep his muscles warmed up. And he spent extra time meditating now that he knew he could do it on his own again. And it wasn’t like he was always alone. 

None of the clones really approached him, although they were polite enough if he ever spoke to them, which was generally just to ask for directions to find out where he could make himself tea. And Ahsoka brought him tea a few times. They also didn’t speak, but she would sit with him while he drank and then they would meditate together. Obi-Wan learned to let go the profound feeling of sadness he got thinking about how she should have been his grandpadawan. 

Qui-Gon was alive and safe and going home. Obi-Wan would help the Jedi win the war. Maybe he’d get to see Qui-Gon sometimes once Obi-Wan was locked in the temple. 

After a shower and his and Qui-Gon’s sparring session Obi-Wan had settled himself into figuring out what to do next. He had dressed and was considering meditation when he heard the door chime sound. They were nearing Coruscant. Obi-Wan knew they would be arrived soon. He wondered if it was one of the Clones there to tell him how long before landing. 

“Come in,” Obi-Wan called. He heard the door whoosh open and turned around. He was surprised to see Anakin stepping into the room. “Knight Skywalker?” He felt a certain level of worry. “Is something wrong?” 

“We’ll be landing on Coruscant in a few hours,” Anakin said tersely. 

“I assumed,” Obi-Wan said. “Are you alright.” 

“What did you do to Master Qui-Gon? What type of spell do you have him under?” Anakin demanded. 

Obi-Wan didn’t realize his heart could drop the way it did at those words. “I didn’t do anything.” 

“He defends you for anything. And he-” Anakin shook his head. There was anger in his eyes. “You have to have done something.” 

“I healed him, but that wouldn’t do what you’re accusing me of,” Obi-Wan said. “And that was weeks ago.” 

“You’re Sith. Maybe you attach something horrible to your healings.” 

“I’m not Sith anymore!” Obi-Wan snapped. His temper flared. He took a deep breath and let it go. When he spoke again it was in a calmer tone. “I’m not Sith anymore. I never wanted to be. My saving Qui-Gon and returning with him is one of the few choices I’ve got to make for myself since my transport was hijacked by pirates.” 

“The dark side doesn’t just wash away,” Anakin said. 

Obi-Wan just felt very sad and very tired. He lowered himself down onto the bed. “Even though I wish it did.” He sighed. Anakin was eyeing him with total distrust. The Anakin in his visions was his close friend, someone he’d raised. Obi-Wan had never met Anakin until now. This was part of why he hadn’t wanted to meet him. 

“Why does he defend you?” 

“Because he feels guilty,” Obi-Wan said. “He was the last Master to turn me down for training before I was sent away. I’m certain this is mostly guilt. But I don’t ask that of him. Force, I’m just grateful for a little bit of his attention. I don’t need him to defend me or try to protect me.” 

“What do you mean turned you down?” Anakin asked. 

“I aged out of being a Jedi. I was told my… my anger was too great. I was nearly at my birthday and one of the other padawans teased me saying I would never be good enough. We fought… and I was sent away early… and then the pirates.” 

“Oh,” Anakin said quietly. 

“I have… terribly accurate visions of what could have been. Qui-Gon knows this. He knows I saw him taking me as his Padawan and my becoming a Jedi. I told him I don’t blame him, but he feels guilty anyway.” 

“Oh… Yeah, that would do it,” Anakin said. He walked over and dropped down on the bed next to Obi-Wan. 

“Helpless lifeforms,” Obi-Wan said, shaking his head. 

“Yeah,” Anakin said, shaking his head and smiling a little. “So… what else do these visions show you?” 

“Master Qui-Gon dying… and him requesting I train you.” 

“Really? Did you?” Anakin asked. 

“Yes,” Obi-Wan said a little sadly. “Although I imagine Qui-Gon must have done better.” 

Anakin looked down at his hands. “Do you-”

“Know about your wife? Yes,” Obi-Wan said dryly. “And I won’t say. I have no reason to tell anyone.” 

Anakin’s head whipped around and he stared at him. “How?” 

“Not that much has changed,” Obi-Wan said. “It appears I am vastly unimportant in the grand scheme of things. But I do know things, mostly about people…” He trailed off and looked at Anakin who looked very uncomfortable. “Does Qui-Gon know?” 

“No,” Anakin said. “It’s against the Code.” 

“My entire existence is against the Code. But he’s still been very kind to me,” Obi-Wan pointed out. 

“But you aren’t a Jedi,” Anakin pointed out. 

“No… but he treats me like one,” Obi-Wan said. He knew that was true. He knew it in his bones. “You should tell him. I believe he would keep your secret and support you.” 

Anakin sighed heavily. “I’ve thought about leaving. But the war… and Ahsoka.” 

“Yes,” Obi-Wan said quietly. Ahsoka had been sent to Anakin in part because she wasn’t truly suitable otherwise. She was too brash. Like Anakin. “But she will not always be your Padawan.” 

“True,” Anakin said. He let out a deep sigh, one that made his shoulders drop with the force of it. “You know, you’re real easy to talk to. It’s like you know me.” 

“I do, in a way. Not… well, not this you. But I have memories of a version of you… you’re not terribly dissimilar,” Obi-Wan explained. Anakin’s mouth pulled into a smile. 

“Yeah, is anyone terribly dissimilar?” Anakin asked. 

“Well, Maul is… well, maybe he isn’t. But he wasn’t my friend in the visions. And most of what I saw was him being half mad from the trauma and loneliness,” Obi-Wan explained 

Anakin wrinkled his nose. “That crazy Sith nearly killed Qui-Gon.” 

“And in my visions he did kill Qui-Gon. And I cut him in half but he still lived. And he lived long enough for him to kill a woman I deeply loved,” Obi-Wan said. “I know why you hate him. I don’t blame you. But I can’t. He’s protected me and I’ve done what I could to protect him.” 

Anakin blew out a breath. “You’re not really what I thought you would be like.” 

“How did you think I would be like?” 

“I don’t know? Slimey? Or like Dooku, really full of yourself. But you’re really well reasoned, like a Jedi or something,” Anakin said. 

His heart warmed at the words. “I try,” Obi-Wan admitted. “And Master Qui-Gon has worked me through meditations for weeks so I could try to deal with my grief and pain. But even before that I knew that if I didn’t accept what was in front of me than I would never be able to keep living. I didn’t want to drown in my visions of a world that doesn’t exist.” 

“Huh,” Anakin said. “You think you could talk to Ahsoka one day?” 

“Her visions?” Obi-Wan guessed. 

“Yeah,” Anakin said. “I don’t get them very often.” 

“I’ll help if I can. Although I don’t think you both will see as much of me once we arrive,” Obi-Wan said. 

“Well, we’ll come visit. Even prisoners get visitors sometimes.” Anakin was smirking. Obi-Wan laughed and shoved Anakin’s arm lightly. 

“Yes, well I will appreciate it,” Obi-Wan said, still smiling. It was nice to know that maybe he could have some relationship with these people. 

“We should arrive shortly,” Anakin said, standing up. 

“I figured,” Obi-Wan said. 

“We’ll come get you when it’s time to disembark,” Anakin said. 

“I figured,” Obi-Wan said with amusement.

“Yeah, well,” Anakin said, making a somewhat sour face as he left. But Obi-Wan didn’t sense anything inherently confrontation from Anakin now. 

Obi-Wan settled in to meditate. He was going to have to tell his story to the Council. He needed to be steady. He needed to be prepared, and he needed to try not to be afraid. He would see Qui-Gon again before this was all over. At the very least he would deliver Obi-Wan to the Council. He’d gotten his time with the man he loved. 

Obi-Wan was a close friend with loss. He would cry when he was alone. He would grieve. But then he would be able to remember that someone thought he was worth something. He would remember the kindness he’d been given. And he would still be able to connect to the Force.

Yes, Qui-Gon had given him so much. He’d helped him find his calm and to find his sense of himself again. He was grateful. That would just have to be enough.

* * *

Obi-Wan came out of his meditative state about the time they landed. He stayed down on his knees, waiting for someone to come get him. He was back in his clothes from when he and Qui-Gon first met. Obi-Wan hoped that Qui-Gon didn’t do anything to upset the Council. Anakin had clearly been furious about their relationship. Obi-Wan just hoped that Qui-Gon Jinn had enough sense to keep this to himself. 

There was a soft knock on the door before it opened. 

“Waxer,” Obi-Wan said, pushing himself up. 

“General Jinn told me to come get you,” Waxer said, seeming to jolt a little when Obi-Wan identified him. Obi-Wan mentally smacked himself. He knew the Clones, of course, and he’d even gotten directions from Waxer before, but he was pretty certain that he’d never been formally introduced to the man before.

“Ah, yes,” Obi-Wan said. “Has disembarked already?” 

“Yes, and General Skywalker and Commander Tano,” Waxer said. 

“Alright then,” Obi-Wan said. He took his lightsaber off his hip and offered it to Waxer. “I suppose you get the honor of delivering this to General Jinn.” 

Waxer looked alarmed. “Are you sure, sir?” 

“I’m not a ‘Sir’. I’m just Obi-Wan. And yes, I’m certain. I don’t want anyone to get too nervous or jumpy. Qui-Gon is supposed to carry it for me. And since he sent you, I assume he think you’re trustworthy.” 

“Or he think you’ll just carry it yourself,” Waxer pointed out.   
Obi-Wan laughed. “True. But I’m much more stubborn than he is.” 

“That’s saying something,” Waxer said, but he turned toward the door. “This way.” 

Obi-Wan followed Waxer out. Obi-Wan remembered transport being mostly outside, but then temple clearly had an extra port added that had an inner hangar. It was safer that way, especially for prisoners, like him. 

Qui-Gon, Anakin and Ahsoka were standing talking to a group of Jedi. Obi-Wan identified Master Yoda, Master Windu and Master Koon instantly. His stomach also rolled over. Somehow he’d prepared himself to see the Council as a whole. 

He remembered being a child and being so happy when Master Yoda gave him genuine praise. He didn’t want to meet Master Yoda’s gaze. He didn’t want to see shame on his face. 

Still, he didn’t allow his shame to show outwardly. He followed Waxer with the same steady steps, only a little behind. He kept his hands laced in front of him, both looking nonchalant but also keeping his hands where they could be seen.

“I was told to deliver this to you, General,” Waxer said, offering Qui-Gon Obi-Wan’s lightsaber. 

“You know you could have carried it, Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon said, but he took the lightsaber and clipped it to his belt. “You can go, Waxer. Thank you.”

“Told you,” Waxer said to Obi-Wan, as he passed. 

Obi-Wan smiled despite his nerves. Waxer smiled back at him and winked. Obi-Wan’s heart rose for a minute.

“Obi-Wan Kenobi,” Master Yoda said. “Come down here, where I can see you, you will.” 

Obi-Wan, despite himself, was still smiling a little when he dropped to his knees, settling where Master Yoda could see him. 

Master Yoda examined his closely. “A lot of darkness in your heart there is, but less than any Sith I have come across.” 

“I’m working on it, Master,” Obi-Wan said. “I am getting better.” 

“His meditation has improved greatly since we started this little journey,” Qui-Gon said. 

“Hmph, speaking to you, I am not, Master Jinn,” Master Yoda said. Obi-Wan curled his lips inward for a second to try and keep from smiling. Master Yoda focused back on him and Obi-Wan’s face straightened out very quickly. 

“Missed, you have been,” Master Yoda said. 

“I have missed you as well, Master,” Obi-Wan said quietly, blinking rapidly to hold back tears. 

“Stand, you will. A Council meeting we have to attend.” The old Master turned and started to walk away. Obi-Wan quickly stood and dusted off his knees before beginning to follow.

Qui-Gon came to walk at his side very quickly. Anakin took up position on his other side. Obi-Wan couldn’t help but feel warm and protected. Maybe Anakin just wanted to keep him in line, but Obi-Wan didn’t think so. 

The walk to the Council room wasn’t quiet despite none in their group walking. The Temple was full of life. It was less than when Obi-Wan was a Padawan, but the Light felt so bright and Obi-Wan reached out to it easily as he walked. It greeted him like an old friend, and Obi-Wan accepted the comfort it offered him.

He felt fairly well centered by the time they were at the Council Room.

The Masters of the Council went to their seats. Obi-Wan had an immediate moment of deep confusion. The seat he normally took was empty and there was a split second where he also went to sit in it himself. It occurred to him that whoever had that seat had probably died recently and it hadn’t been filled. 

Obi-Wan felt dizzy. He didn’t realize anyone even noticed until a strong, warm hand rested against his back. “Steady, Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon said in his ear. 

“Is something wrong, Ser Kenobi?” Master Koon asked. 

“As I told you, Master Koon, Obi-Wan has very powerful visions. It seems they may be overwhelming sometimes,” Qui-Gon said. 

“Something like that,” Obi-Wan said. He rested his hand on Qui-Gon’s arm. “I’m fine, Qui-Gon.” His voice was steady and he felt steady. Having Qui-Gon and Anakin there was grounding. This wasn’t a vision. It was reality.

Qui-Gon gave him a serious look, searching his face for some sign that he really wasn’t okay. Obi-Wan looked back at him steadily. Qui-Gon’s lips quirked in a small smile and he dropped his hand and stepped away, allowing Obi-Wan to stand on his own.

“I apologize, Masters,” Obi-Wan said. “I would like to continue, if we may?” 

“Yes,” Master Windu said. “Since the topic is at hand, Qui-Gon sent a report ahead detailing your visions. Will you tell us what you see?” 

“Some other path that wasn’t, but very close to this,” Obi-Wan said. He laced his fingers in front of him again. “Where I did become a Jedi.” 

“Master Jinn expressed that these visions had some level of accuracy,” Master Fisto said. 

“There are some things that did line up. People are similar. Certain events… I suppose the best would be one that would not make you happy. In my visions, I saw Maul kill Master Qui-Gon. And in that vision I saw himself cut him in half and saw him drop down the same pit he dropped down in reality. In another vision I saw him years later, alive but half crazed, living on what I could only describe as a trash planet. I saw him hunt me across time and space for revenge… and so when I heard he’d died…” Obi-Wan paused, took a breath and then continued. 

“I stole a ship and went to find him. He wasn’t cut in half, but his wound was very bad. It took quite a lot to heal him. But I found the sacrifice to be worth it. He’s anger, vicious, and vindictive. But he isn’t crazed. He isn’t spiteful. He’s definitely calmer.” 

“He also promised to keep the other Sith off Obi-Wan’s trail for as long as he could,” Qui-Gon added from his right. 

“You were right, that doesn’t make us happy to hear,” Master Koth said. “Master Jinn also mentioned Sith healing in his report, and you brought it up again.” 

“Ah, yeah. Sith Healing is more effective than Jedi Healing. Because it is the movement of the life energy of one being to another. Often times Sith choose small creatures or other Sentients to use.” 

“And you?” Master Koon asked. “What do you use?” 

“Myself,” Obi-Wan said. “And so I’ve gotten very good at it.” 

“Did you not believe me when I told you he healed me at great cost to himself?” Qui-Gon asked. 

“Please don’t be dramatic, Qui-Gon,” Obi-Wan said, turning to look at his lover. “It’s not such a steep cost in the long run.” 

“It’s your life, Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon protested. 

“Exactly. It’s my life. And I get to decide what I do with it. Please stop being angry about it on my behalf. Even if I hadn’t been trapped with the Sith, even if I had been a Jedi, but I knew the same healing method, I would have given you the same time. Your existence is worth it. And there are many others I would give the same for. My life isn’t worth more than others.” 

“Nor is it worth less,” Qui-Gon said, sounding frustrated. 

“I know that,” Obi-Wan said. He spoke calmer. The light just wrapped around him so easily here. “I know this. But I also know that Jedi are supposed to serve and protect those who are weaker and who need assistance. I know I can’t be a Jedi, but what type of man would I be if I didn’t at least give everything I had to helping other, especially when that’s what I’ve dreamed of my entire life. I’m free now, so I’m going to do everything I can.” 

He was looking at Qui-Gon and he knew he’d gotten just a little passionate at the end, but mostly he’d maintained his reasoning, he thought. Qui-Gon had the most oddly self-satisfied smile on his face. 

“What?” Obi-Wan asked. 

“What did I tell you?” Qui-Gon asked, looking smug. Obi-Wan felt his face heat up. He had forgotten the Council was there because he was too busy arguing with Qui-Gon. 

Obi-Wan turned to look back at the Council, willing himself to not look as embarrassed as he felt.

“I am satisfied,” Master Koon said. 

“As am I,” Master Fisto. 

“Satisfied, I am,” Yoda said. 

“Then I take Obi-Wan Kenobi as my Padawan Learner,” Qui-Gon said. 

Obi-Wan turned back to look at Qui-Gon. “What… what did you say?” 

Qui-Gon offered him the gentlest smile. “You were supposed to be my Padawan to begin with. And you are a Jedi in your soul. From what I have seen while traveling with you, you don’t need much of the physical training besides regular practice, and you are well versed in our philosophy. What you need most is to work on dealing with your emotions and not letting then get away from you. Which I believed can be resolved.” 

“But I’m too old,” Obi-Wan said. 

“Ah, but you said yourself you have very vivid visions, strong enough to locate a man all others thought dead,” Master Koon said. “Strong enough that you do remember your Padawan years.” 

“Yes,” Obi-Wan said carefully. 

“There isn’t an age limit of when a Padawan takes their trials,” Master Windu said. “This isn’t to say you will pass the tests. And you will have to pass our tests.” 

“Which will come in time,” Qui-Gon said. “He already passed one.” 

“What test did I pass?” 

“Master Jinn suggested that would not be able to keep from saying something that proved you were a Jedi,” Master Koth said. 

“And he was right,” Master Fisto added. “We’ve never known a Sith who would truly suggest put the life and well-being of others above their own. Especially if it did not give them personal gain.”

“Oh,” Obi-Wan said, not sure of what else to say.

Qui-Gon walked to stand partly in front of Obi-Wan. “Obi-Wan, do you want to be my Padawan?” 

“Yes, Master,” Obi-Wan said. He knew his eyes here filling up. “But this isn’t what I came here for.” 

“You can fill them in more once you’ve rested,” Qui-Gon said. “I’m delivering those notes you spent so long on. That will give everyone enough to puzzle on for the moment.” 

Obi-Wan was certain he’d never felt so lost in his life. He didn’t even know what to think. Someone was saying something, one of the members of the Council. Obi-Wan knew he should be listening, but he felt like the floor had been pulled out from under him. He felt Qui-Gon’s hand be placed on his shoulder. He heard Anakin say… something, although he wasn’t sure what. Then Qui-Gon was guiding him out. 

Qui-Gon wanted to take him as a Padawan? 

He didn’t realize where he was being led until he was standing in front of an all too familiar door. 

“Welcome home, Padawan,” Qui-Gon whispered into his ear. The door opened and Obi-Wan was nudged inside. It was almost exactly like his visions. It felt like Qui-Gon and a little still like Anakin and even a little like Ahsoka. Obi-Wan kept Qui-Gon’s rooms and didn’t change them much. This room, despite not having any part of himself attached to it, felt more like home than anywhere Obi-Wan had been since he was a child.

“Home,” Obi-Wan said quietly. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you my plan before,” Qui-Gon said. He was smiling. He always looked so good when he smiled. “I needed your honest reaction.” 

“I don’t understand,” Obi-Wan said, turning to look at Qui-Gon. He looked so beautiful there. There was something that was both touchable and yet very untouchable about him in that moment. “I was supposed to be locked up. I wasn’t supposed to see you after this. How can I be here? How can this be happening?” 

Qui-Gon wasn’t smiling anymore. He stood right in front of Obi-Wan and took his hands. “Obi-Wan, what have I done to make you think so badly of me?” 

Obi-Wan stomach dropped out. “I don’t, Qui-Gon.” 

“You think I would allow anyone to lock my lover up and not even come to see them. You think I don’t care about you. Does that sound like you think well of me?” 

Obi-Wan felt the warmth drain from his face. “That wasn’t my intention.” 

“I know,” Qui-Gon said. “You think you aren’t worth loving. You think you aren’t worth the energy I or anyone could put into training. But that isn’t true at all.” 

“I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan whispered. Qui-Gon’s words made him feel broken. He was in complete upheaval. So much have happened in only a few hours. He didn’t know what to think or how to feel. And he’d hurt the man he loved the most. 

Qui-Gon cupped Obi-Wan’s face in his hands, and placed a kiss on Obi-Wan’s forehead. “Let me lay this out for you, Dear One. I love you. I love you because you are kind, and gentle and clever and warm. I love you because you are devoted. I love you because of how much you love others, even those who hurt you or cast you aside. I love how you forgive. I love how damn much you care. You care so much and you take so much on yourself. And it hurts to watch you sacrifice yourself. You are a Jedi in your soul. You want to help, but you have to learn how to care for yourself as well. Do you understand?” 

Obi-Wan nodded slowly. He turned his head a little, just enough to reach Qui-Gon’s palm and kiss it. A few stray tears and dropped from his eyes, but he didn’t try to wipe them away. Qui-Gon did it from him, though. 

“I also love your body. I love your beautiful hair, and your stubborn mouth. I love that perfect bottom of yours and your adorable nipples. I love your nose. And I really, truly love your eyes,” Qui-Gon continued, making Obi-Wan turn pink. He couldn’t help but scowl at the last bit, though. 

“My eyes are awful. The gold is ugly.” 

“First of all, it is not. Not on you, and second of all, your eyes aren’t gold.” 

“Yes they are,” Obi-Wan said. 

“No, they’re a sort of blue green right now,” Qui-Gon said. 

“They… they’re what?” Obi-Wan breathed out. 

He allowed himself to be guided to the fresher. He hardly dared to breathe until Qui-Gon put him in front of the mirror and made him look at himself. There, looking back at him were green-blue eyes, the ones he saw in his visions and remembered from his childhood. 

“My eyes,” Obi-Wan whispered. “They’re back… when did I get them back?” 

“Shortly before we got to the Council Chambers,” Qui-Gon said. He was standing at Obi-Wan’s right. “They’re very lovely on you.” 

Obi-Wan remembered opening himself up to the Light of the Temple as they walked. It must have allowed them to change back. 

“I didn’t think I’d ever see them again,” Obi-Wan said. He stopped staring at himself to look at Qui-Gon.

“Well, now you have,” Qui-Gon pointed out. 

Obi-Wan stepped in close, laying his hands against Qui-Gon’s chest. 

“All of this… it’s everything I wanted. And you know that. Please, please tell me this is real and that it’s not out of pity or guilt or something?” Obi-Wan demanded. 

Qui-Gon’s hands rested on his hips and gave a firm squeeze. “I could love you if you had never been able to meditate or release your pain to the Force. You are a very lovable man, Obi-Wan Kenobi. But you work so hard to try and deal with your darkness. You are lighter than you were. You’re Light at your core, and you’ve finally been able to let it shine through. The Jedi Order needs you. I’d be a fool to not help you get your wish.” 

Obi-Wan drew a deep breath through his nose, then he smiled. He knew it was a complicated smile, because his feelings were complicated. But happiness was part of that complication. 

“This has been so much at once,” Obi-Wan said.

“I know,” Qui-Gon said. “Let me take you to bed. We can rest, maybe had sex, definitely snuggle until you feel more grounded. And we can deal with the rest later.” 

“You and me first, then,” Obi-Wan said with a slightly broader smile. 

“Yes, for now. Come my Love. I think a nap is in order.” 

“I think so too,” Obi-Wan said. He took Qui-Gon’s head and tugged him toward the bed. 

Their clothes dropped easily to the floor and Obi-Wan found his lover spooned against his back in no time at all. Obi-Wan let out a deep breath and relaxed. It was like eons of tension flowed out of his body. He was home. Qui-Gon was with him and they weren’t going to be separated.

There were so many complications, but the things that were most important had for once in his life turned out okay. And that was more than good enough for Obi-Wan. 

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It only took me two season changes to get this finished. It sat half down on my computer forever. But it is done!


End file.
